How to Nurture Harmony & Happiness in Marriage?

Nowadays, it is very common to hear about married couples having irreconcilable conflicts and differences, eventually leading to separation. Marriage is a partnership of mutual love and support. It is not necessary that husband and wife should agree on everything. We are all inherently different; we grow up in different environments and have different aspirations in life. If one person does not respect other's views, feelings and needs, and forces his/her opinions on the partner, then the partner can tolerate that only for a short period of time. Beyond that, relationship becomes suffocating and there are serious consequences.

From the ancient times, India had a tradition of treating women with dignity and respect. But the situation changed drastically in the middle ages after Mughals conquered India. The social value of respect towards women slowly diminished and women were confined to four walls of the house. Thankfully, this situation is changing slowly. A sizable percentage of women of today are highly educated and want to make their mark in the world alongside men. This changing social dynamics is altering the perceived norms of marriage. Both men and women are independent and contribute equally to the society. Therefore, they expect equal treatment at home as well.

The relation between husband and wife can continue peacefully only when, both of them, or at least one of them, is sensible and understanding. The sensibility of a person can be judged by how tolerant and patient one is in stressful situations. Sometimes situations become such that we may feel anger towards others for some reason. If we don't have control over our anger then we may end up saying unpleasant things in a fit of rage, and thus, due to lack of wisdom, a small outburst spirals out of control and damages relationships that we have built up for a long time.

When a person's demeanor is calm and he/she looks at a situation objectively, he/she will rarely find an occasion when the other cannot be forgiven. But people due to their egos, don't forgive others and feuds in families continue unabated.

Small arguments now and then in a family are normal, but if the quarrels are an everyday affair then there is a serious problem at hand. Psychologist Professor Janice Kiecolt-Glaser found that if married couples had 30 or more minutes of stressful interactions daily, then their immunity dropped nearly one-third from the levels of a normal person. In the long term it affects even the genetic makeup of a person. Therefore, a caustic person does more damage than bad health.

Dr. William B. Malarkey of Ohio State University also agrees with Dr. Janice's opinion. He says that couples who remain tensed have higher levels of hormones epinephrine, norepinephrine and acetylcholine. This has a negative effect on the immunity of a person. When a person feels angry and stressed then it affects the internal glands of the body. Continuous levels of stress reduce the immunity of the body. Such people start suffering from various mental illnesses like forgetfulness, lack of concentration, anxiety, etc.

Psychologists say that disagreement between husband and wife is very common. Sometimes a disagreement forces the partners to understand each other more deeply. If a couple discusses the underlying cause of the argument and tries to find a solution to the problem together, then the bond between husband and wife is strengthened.

If the differences between a couple become too much, then an effort should be made to reconcile them, iron out their differences, and focus on the positive aspects of the relationship. Differences do not mean that husband and wife should break off their relationship. It means that husband and wife should start the relationship with a new perspective. If a virus is found in a computer, it is formatted and set up again as new; in the same way, when differences creep up in a relationship we need to assess and reconcile those differences instead of ending the relationship.

We all have shortcomings. We need to find, analyze and fix those shortcomings. It will be beneficial for us to change our perspective and practice tolerance. If possible, we should practice staying silent in heated arguments. We should rekindle our friendship and work towards removing any knots in the relationship.

Somebody has correctly said that ropes and relations are alike; if either of them develops a knot then it takes time to untangle it. That is why it is important to avoid ill-feelings in a relationship and focus on camaraderie, love and companionship so that our relationships can grow stronger and full of love and care.